Down But Not Out
“Endings are better than beginnings. Sticking to it is better than standing out.” (Ecclesiastes 7:8, MSG)
“Blessed is the one who endures trials, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12, CSB)
“It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience. — Julius Caesar
When I was 13 years old, growing up in a rural farming community, I fell and was trapped underneath a tractor for over an hour. I suffered three pelvic fractures (one of which has never healed properly), a dislocated left hip, significant muscle tissue loss from the inside of my right thigh, and third-degree skin abrasions on my abdomen and both lower legs. For two weeks I was in the hospital lying on my back with a binder tightly wrapped around my hips to hold the pelvic fractures in place, and in traction with a 10-pound weight attached to my left ankle to realign the dislocated hip joint.
Nearly 50 years later, the excruciating pain I experienced from all these combined injuries is still burned into my memory, in spite of having been shot up with Demerol for much of that time. Even more significantly, that was the beginning of my chronic pain journey which continues to this day. It’s been decades since I’ve awakened in the morning or gone to sleep at night without some kind of pain somewhere in my body. Along the way I’ve also managed to acquire profound high-frequency hearing loss, arthritis in my neck, back, and hips, spinal torsion and stenosis in several vertebrae, and severe neuralgia/neuropathy in both hands and feet that multiple specialists at Scripps Clinic, Mayo Clinic, and elsewhere have never been able to identify. Oh, and I musn’t forget about the clinical depression, chronic fatigue, and severe insomnia I’ve battled with off and on for many years. My daily medication regimen is ridiculous, and it’s still just enough to enable me to function more or less adequately most days—not to mention the side effects of some of the more potent drugs I take which have caused their own set of problems. To be brutally honest, there have been times in my life when the weight of the physical, emotional, and mental pain has been so bad that, while I have never actively considered suicide, if I had seen a bus about to veer onto a sidewalk where I was standing, I’m not sure I would have exerted the effort to get out of the way. Just keepin’ it real.
“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. These bodies of ours are constantly facing death just as Jesus did; so it is clear to all that it is only the living Christ within Who keeps us safe.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-10, TLB)
In spite of it all, though, and only by God’s grace, somehow I’m still standing (or possibly sitting or lying down). And I’m not asking for sympathy or holding myself out to be some kind of superhero. Rather, I’m trying to shed light on the reality that while even Christians may have to live with chronic pain and debilitation, it doesn’t mean God has forgotten about us—and most certainly He isn’t punishing us for “not having enough faith” or some other pseudo-religious, prosperity-gospel nonsense. The true definition of faith isn’t believing we’ll never get sick or suffer loss; it’s holding onto the belief that God is still real and trustworthy and loving even in the midst of pain and suffering. Of course, sometimes we bring trials and tribulations onto ourselves through foolish choices. But even then, as believers we can still “come boldly to the throne of our gracious God” where “we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:16, NLT) Notice that the promise is not that God will wave His hand and make all our troubles disappear, but that He will give us the grace and strength we need to endure the slings and arrows of this life.
Finally, let’s not forget that everything we may be suffering through right now is only temporary. There may be times when you feel it’s all you can do to barely hang on for one more moment, one more hour, one more day. But if that’s what it takes, then that’s enough. I’m here to testify that if God can help a frail, fumbling, stumbling, broken man like me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, He can do it for you too. The struggle is the glory, and the payoff is worth the pain.
“I consider that what we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.” (Romans 8:18, GNT)
See below for the audio version of this article.